when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
