i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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