you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
