used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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