hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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