Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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