the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
