You made me cry and you don't even care
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
