I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
