Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
