Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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