I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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