She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
