shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
