Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
