Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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