Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
