all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
