If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
