wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
