I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
