I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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