Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
