my vag is so smooth its legendary
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
