I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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