It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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