Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
