just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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