i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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