remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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