I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
