Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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