When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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