There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
