Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
