you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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