and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
