It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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