Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
