at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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