a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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