I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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