Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
