Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
