i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
