i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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