My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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