I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
