It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
