Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
