listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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